Anyone who has talked to us personally in the past several (or 12) months is well aware that our darling child is a rotten sleeper. A good night is him waking up 3 times. An average night is probably up 5 times. A wretched night is up 10+ times (though these can generally be blamed on teething or illness). The advice has long been offered "let him CRY." Even my sensitive husband a mere week or two after coming home from the hospital with our new bundle of joy asked me, "so when do we just let him cry?" My answer then and now still tends to be "not yet.". I know, I know it will take a 'few horrible nights and then he'll learn' and our 'nights will simply be heavenly'. I know. I just hate to hear my son cry. I hate walking in there when my stomach can't take any more and seeing tears streaming down his face and he's reaching out for me like I've abandoned him. I also know that sometimes, like this afternoon, a little cry is all he needs. Today for his afternoon nap I knew he needed to sleep and I think he knew he needed to sleep. Rocking and nursing had no effect so into the crib he went with my intention to return in 5 minutes. 2 minutes later he was silent and sound asleep. So what's the deal? Why will he sometimes cry for over 30 minutes in a full and brilliant drama-display and other times he wails for a moment and then is out cold? Maybe my timing is just wrong for day time naps sometimes. I think letting him cry at night will be an entirely different ballgame though. Do I just need to let him cry for 10...15...30 minutes and then go comfort him? I think he'd get more ticked if I checked on him right away and then disappeared again. Ooh the fun adventures of motherhood. I'll have to update soon, as the sleeping adventures continue. I need to snap out of my 1st trimester fatigue and snap into action to get my little love sleeping and weaned (that'll be fun too...).
Till next time...
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19 comments:
Every kid and parent is different. Jefferson was a very similar sleeper and it took me a long time to figure out what to do with him. There are no-crying approaches in The Baby Whisperer, which take much longer, but if you just can't stand the cry it out method, you could give it a try. I read that and a book called Sleeping Through the Night and then I figured out my own approach that worked for us that was sort of in-between. All I know is, it may be hard work and horrible, but everyone will be happier once you've figured out what works best for you. Good luck!!
My friend just told me about a book she used to help her second sleep through the night - it is called Babywise. I haven't read it, but I plan on it soon. I hope he sleeps for you soon.
Oh how I remember these days. I started to read baby whisperer, but did want to hear it at the time. It was a 4 am and I was rocking Max back to sleep I decided to change. So I made sure he was fed and changed, I put him in his bed and left. I checked back in 2 min. The I waited the 5 and then 10. Oh it was hard, but I just kept telling myself it was for the best. Even now he still fights bedtime I do it all over I wait 5 then go check on him. But he usually is asleep by then. Good Luck!!!
Oh hun! That's got to be one of the absolute worst parts of having a baby - the sleep issues!!!
We Ferberized our three boys. If you look up "Ferber method" in wikipedia, that'll explain it a bit. It's basically what Annie (comment above this one) said. :)
GOOD LUCK!!!! I do hope you've got great news to report in a few days. :)
I really don't like doing the cry it out method, but it seems to be the only one that works for me. Okay, Sarah still isn't sleeping through the night, but bedtime is a lot better! If you can't stand to hear him here is a suggestion. Have Nathaniel put him to bed when you are gone. I had to do that a few times because I couldn't handle hearing my girls cry. I would sit by there room and cry too!
For Sarah, the ONLY way I could get her to sleep at night was to let her cry. I tried feeding, rocking, etc. She cries for 1 or 2 minutes and is out. The first night she cried for maybe 30 minutes.
Anyway, do what you think is best! It is so hard when you don't get your sleep. And the first trimester is the WORST! If you are like how I was when I was pregnant with Sarah you are on the couch all day! I seriously would sit down and couldn't get off the couch. I hated it.
Good luck!
OOoooooh girl, I have so been there, done that. When i first met you, i was going through the whole figuring out what works for us. As soon as we had something working, he would start teething or get sick and then what we did before would not work any more. Now, Sam goes down with no crying, we just lay down with him for about 5 minutes and he's out. The whole crying thing never, ever worked for us. And believe me, we tried it! I won't recommend anything to you because you, like me, have pretty much read all the sleep books. I know how frustrating it is!!! But hey, some hope for you is that Jack sleeps like a log and wakes up only 2 or 3 times a night at 5 weeks old!!! maybe your #2 will be good to you and sleep well!
oh man..i'm so sorry..i remember those days. i think i read a couple books, sorry, can't remember what they're called. it's a really hard time and you do just have to figure out what works best for you. I hope things get better soon.
i couldn't just walk away from V, so we put him to bed like usual: bottle, snuggle, rocking. But when he woke up we would go in kiss his head, lay him back down pat his back a few times and tell him we love him but it's time to sleep. at first we went in every 10 mins but after 2 visits we spread it out b/c he would naturally get quieter. The first night was not pleasant but not near at bad as I expected. I listened to my iPod and made J listen to him. The second night didn't take half as long and the third barely any at all. Now minus teething or sickness he does great. It was hard and heart breaking but so worth it for us and for him getting better sleep.
You've already received a lot of great advice. The only thing that worked for us was to let O cry. It was heartbreaking and I thought I was scaring her for life and I knew my name would come up her in counseling sessions years from now, but we did it. O doesn't sleep through the night either. She's usually awake for about an hour in the middle of the night. She's not upset, just awake and happy and ready to play. Putting her to bed has never been a problem, but getting her to sleep through the night has always been an issue. As horrible as the "letting them cry" method is, it works for us.
I also see it as a pattern for parenthood. There will be MANY things our little ones want that they just can't have or do. As the parent, it is our job to help them understand that even though the outlet looks like fun, it's not, or that chewing on a power cord is bad or nice long shiney knives aren't toys. The list goes on and on. It's tough on us when they cry huge alligator tears and act as if the world has come to an end, but we are simply doing what is good/safe for them.
Well, there's my two cents. It will be fun to see you in May.
Cheers
M
The biggest thing is consistency. If you decide to let him cry, you'll have to stick with it. It will be hard but you can't back down.
I LOVED the book Heathly Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I consider it the "sleeping bible". Give it a try and see how it goes.
Here's some advice for ya:
Cold turkey everything. No more nursing, no more lovey dovey when he cries, no more "mrs. nice mommy!"
Soooo totally kidding! Only do that if you want your son to be one of those greasy trench coat kids! You are doing a great job! Wonderful Mommy!!!!! Just keep loving him to pieces!
Just saying hi. God bless you. Good luck. It's hard. I have to admit, though, mommyhood does seem to get better and better as the babies grow. And it gets easier with each child, I think. I never did the cry it out thing. But I have friends who swear by it. From what I remember (which isn't much these days), I mainly took each night as it came. And I'm still alive, I might even still be sane, but it's doubtful.
I wish I had something for you. E usually sleeps through the night but it takes an hour of him playing with my hair to get him to fall asleep. I just can't stand the screaming.
I was really hoping that having his own room would get William to sleep better. Shoot. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Congrats on Baby #2! That is GREAT news!!
Darling, we've talked and talked about this. I refuse to offer advice because it is all so different for everyone. Hang in there and follow your instincts. You are a wonderful mother.
Wow, there are long comments. I hope it works for you. I'm one of those who never let them cry; always got up because like you, I couldn't stand the thought of them thinking I wasn't there for them. At the time it seemed like I'd never sleep again. But now mine are old, don't need me in the night, and I'm the one waking up to check on them. They grow so fast. Hope it gets better.
Oh good luck, It will all be okay! :-)
i haven't read any of the comments, so i'm probably repeating what others have said but.... i know people have problems with it, but i liked richard ferber's book "solve your child's sleep problems," esp for the sections on how sleep works and what to expect. i think he does a good job of explaining it and knowing how children sleep helps you decide what to do about yours!
that said, his method worked PERFECLTY for calvin, but we haven't used it for jared or samuel. every child and parent is different and you have to work out what's best for all of you. if you want to do something about william before the baby comes, now is probably a good time to do it! good luck!
We're using a book called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" by Dr. Marc Weissbuth which gives several DIFFERENT options to try, based on what you as a mom can handle (if you can't let him cry, he tells you how to work with that). It's a great one!
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